Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Number 121

 Stop Blaming 2020

If you've been following your FB memes lately, you'll know that 2020 is taking it on the chin. The consensus seems to be that this is the worst year ever. I mean this year's had a little bit of everything: A global pandemic, racial disharmony, an American presidential election straight from the pages of the National Enquirer, etc. etc. Right now, 2020 is about as popular as a bad case of hemorrhoids. It delivers the same kind of pain, too.

I can't wait until I wake up on January 1, 2021. Everything will be fixed and working perfectly. Covid will disappear and racial harmony will be achieved. Institutional racism will be a thing of the past. The hungry will be fed, and the folks without a home will find shelter. That annoying road construction project will be completed. Dogs and cats will live in harmony, and we'll be able start putting Trump in our rear view mirrors.

Yeah, right. 

First of all, according to Jewish tradition, the year is actually 5781. The Chinese will tell you it's 4718. The Balinese Saka calendar insists it's 1942. And on and on. So to blame it all on 2020 is a little bit provincial when we have so many other years we can choose from.

And really, when you think about it, how many of the things that are making 2020 so historically miserable really be blamed on 2020? The most obvious example is Covid-19. It may not have been number one on the charts back in 2019, but, as a song, it was already being played on a few radio stations around the world. And if you seriously think that we're just around the corner from this fucker disappearing, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you - cheap!

Donald Trump has been an amoral, narcissistic, PoS all his life. Why would 2020 be any different?

Maybe you have a point about George Floyd being the first Black person to be murdered while in police custody. Surely we can blame 2020 for that. For goodness sake, we sorted all that pesky racism stuff out when the North won the US Civil War. We were doing so well until Mr. Floyd made the mistake of volunteering to be that nice police officer's knee rest. What was he thinking? Didn't he know that might be dangerous?*

Or, in other words, 2020 became the year that maybe, just maybe, our country finally decided to have a real conversation about our indefensibly bloody and torturous racial history. If the legacy of George Floyd's murder is eventually perceived of as the tipping point - when our country stopped turning a blind eye to the racism that permeates our society - then his death (among all the others), will not have been in vain.

Look, I know it's tough right now. There's a lot of shit we're trying to live through right now. It has left us feeling raw, wounded, and vulnerable, and there are times when it's really, really hard to move forward. But it's not the fault of 2020 that all these kettles came to a boil at the same time. We'll survive, especially if we remember to be kind to one another; as well as ourselves. I wish you all well.

*This paragraph has been brought to you by Intense Sarcasm, Inc. Bringing you the best in sarcasm since 1966.

Thursday, September 24, 2020

Number 120

Requiem for a Boy (The Birth of a Girl)

This one's for my family.

Once upon a time a beautiful child was born in the middle of the night - January 9, 1966 to be precise. As these things go, everything went the way they were supposed to, and soon the child and her mother went home. The child was lucky beyond measure. She didn't know it yet; but she had parents and an older brother and sister that loved her. She would thrive as she grew up without knowing any hunger or want. But something was not quite right...

At first she was too young to notice anything, but as she got older something - she couldn't quite figure out what - felt a little bit... off. But mostly things were still good and she grew to become a young woman. By then the thing that wasn't quite right began to poke and prod with more insistence. She couldn't explain the thing - in fact she found it so scary she pretended it wasn't there. But no matter how hard she pretended, it never went away. For many years, she tried hard to ignore it; until finally, she turned around one day and said to the thing: "I'm so very tired of running away from you. I guess it's time for me to listen to what you have to say." 

And so the thing began to whisper its secrets to Nora (for that was the name of the now, middle-aged woman).  "Nora, it said, "When you were born, a mistake was made. Everybody thought you were a boy..." At first Nora found it hard to believe what the thing was telling her. Then Nora found herself scared of what the thing was telling her, and hoped it wasn't true. Finally, though, there came a moment when Nora gave up, and cried out to thing: "You're right! You're right! I give up - You win," as the tears streamed down her face.

Now dear reader: If you were paying attention, you noticed the fairy tale beginning; and everyone knows that fairy tales have happy endings.  Something magical happened in that moment of Nora's seeming defeat. Instead of feeling sad, Nora felt a peace that had always seemed to elude her. She felt calm. The anxiety that had always followed her like a shadow disappeared. In fact she felt a tremendous sense of joy. It was a wonderful moment when Nora embraced the truth and celebrated being the woman she had always been. And she lived happily ever after.



Wednesday, September 16, 2020

Number 119

A Reflection on 9/11

On September 11, 2001, I was teaching Kindergarten in Bangor, Maine. It was a brilliant late summer day in that part of the world - a beautiful blue sky with nary a cloud in sight. A colleague came by with a confused message about a plane crash involving the World Trade Center in New York City. I did something unprofessional then, and turned on my radio for more information when I was supposed to be teaching a lesson. I listened with increasing dread as the horrible reality became increasingly clear. It took me about an hour, but all of a sudden, I remembered that my wife was currently in Washington, D.C. for a medical conference. 

That's when I really fell off my game - I think my kiddos had about three hours of recess that day. I tried calling, but couldn't get through to her. Towards the end of the day, the principal came to my room to let me know that Rebecca had gotten a call through to the front office. She was fine, in no danger, and going to her sister's home, who lived in the district. Immediate feeling of relief for me and mine, contrasted against the unfolding tragedy our nation was experiencing. I held my two young daughters extra tight that evening.

Rebecca eventually made it home from D.C., although her travel experience could have provided the script for the sequel to Planes, Trains, & Automobiles. Her version might be titled "Trains, Busses, & Begged Rides." In the end, I packed up the girls and drove to the Maine/New Hampshire border to pick her up for the last leg home. But our little family was intact again. Her travel issues were trivial when compared to the pain and agony suffered by so many families, so needlessly, in the blink of an eye.

And then, nineteen years passed by...

The other day was the anniversary of the attacks, and as often happens on such occasions, I found myself reflecting back. My thoughts made me sad. And while that, in itself, is an appropriate reaction; the specific reasons for my sadness were not for obvious reasons. In fact, my thoughts on the attacks themselves might be considered rather contrary. To wit: It could have been so much worse. The total number of passengers on all four planes was extraordinarily low considering how many people could have been aboard. So too, there could have been so many more people in the two towers. And more than sadness, I am in awe of the heroism demonstrated by first responders who ran into the buildings, intent on saving as many people as they could. So too, the bravery of the ordinary citizens who refused to let United 93 be the fourth bullet in a gun inspires a fist clenching "fuck yeah!" as much as it does sadness at their fate. Please don't misunderstand - I believe the attacks were a national tragedy, and sadness is an all together appropriate response. It's just not the only one.

No, my sadness came as a result of contemplating how fractured our country has become since then. The overwhelming shock and horror we felt after we were attacked served to unify the entire nation. I don't think that's terribly surprising, really. Moments of tragedy often serve to bring people together. And it's not shocking that it didn't last. That's human nature, too. By 2003 and the start of the war in Iraq, there were already great disagreements among us regarding how our country was responding to the terrorist attacks of 9/11. I remember my own strong feelings about what we should be doing, as well as my disgust at the folks who disagreed with me. But we were still united in our hope that we would get it right, in terms of how our nation was going to respond.

But over the years, as the wise philosopher once noted, shit happened; and we began to fragment and pull apart as a nation. Our ability to communicate with others that held differing opinions began to atrophy. The ability to compromise began to be seen as a weakness rather than a strength. As a culture, we began to consume a false notion that "reality" should be confrontational and argumentative. That extremes of behavior were normal and worthy of celebration and praise. As a result, many undeserving people became celebrities over night. We became enraptured by the pablum and idiocy spouted by these morons. Worse, we began to think their simpleminded drivel was worthy of consideration. Lost in this ascendency of a reality based celebrity culture was the ability to discern good ideas from bad ones. At the same time, the manipulators and liars, who twisted reality to suit their purpose, began their dirty work while we were distracted by the Kardashians and their ilk. We lost the ability to tell truth from fiction, lie from fact, and a good idea from a bad one. We lost our common sense of decency. We forgot how to treat one another with simple respect. 

In 2016 we really stepped in it, and elected a president who exemplified every bad trait that, for our sins, we had somehow made worthy of praise. That he has continued to exploit our nation's misguided definition of praiseworthy behavior should come as no shock. The fact that he has made things worse by a factor of ten is an idea almost too scary to contemplate.

As a result, we are as divided as a nation to a degree not seen since our Civil War in the 1860s. I shudder to think that it will take another armed conflict to solve our current situation. And so I am sad.

Monday, September 14, 2020

Number 118

 Are They Still Funny? Were They Ever?

Two of the "funniest movies of all-time!!" came out in the 1970s. Blazing Saddles (1974) and National Lampoon's Animal House (1978) were both broad, ribald, R-rated comedies where the jokes and gags came at the viewer non-stop for the duration of each film. They both delighted in being naughty and boundary-pushing. I remember a punchline from the Animal House parody in MAD Magazine which declared "There's nothing too gross for this movie." Despite their R-rating, I still managed to see them both (in the theater) before I turned fifteen. Like everyone else in the audience, I laughed my ass off.

As a matter of fact, I've seen both of them multiple times. I can quote from multiple scenes of both movies. Indeed, I purchased both movies (among many others), so that I could watch them whenever I felt the inclination. However, I haven't watched either in a long time. Did I forget about them? No, on the contrary, I found myself thinking about them quite frequently. You see, as part of their 'take no prisoners' attitude towards their jokes and gags; as well as changing societal attitudes, there are some elements from both movie that have left me feeling uneasy. 

Let's take a closer look at each movie.

The main protagonist in Blazing Saddles is a black man (Cleavon Little), who is appointed sheriff of a small town in the old west. This appointment is due to the machinations of the movie's 'villian' (Harvey Korman), who believes that the negative reaction of the town folks towards the sheriff's ethnicity will allow his nefarious plans to come to fruition. The movie was written by Mel Brooks and Richard Pryor (among others), and directed by Brooks.

Watching it now, there is one big problem with the movie - its frequent and carefree use of "n*****." Its use is ubiquitous to the point that Quentin Tarantino, who has a fetish for the word, would declare: "Stop It! Enough is enough!" Now I'm perfectly aware of what has happened here, because it has happened in my own life. In my youth, around the time the movie was made, that word was used by many folks in an almost casual way. For myself, I was aware it was a nasty slur, and I'm reasonably confident that I never said it directly to a black person, but I did use it - usually when repeating a racially charged joke that seemed funny at the time. I haven't used the word or told racially based jokes for many years, and our culture has, at last, invested the word with the weight it deserves. It's no longer used as a punchline in lazy attempts at humor.

The movie has two other problematic scenes. The first is a joke about rape, which, honestly, should have never seemed funny - even in 1974. The other is a scene at the end of the movie where gay men are stereo-typed as limp-wristed, lispy caricatures of effeminacy. There is some attempt to turn the joke in on itself, but it does very little to challenge the hateful homosexual cliches.

Back to the word. The confounding thing about its use, is that it's never really used in anger. It's used as if it's just the word used to indicate a black person in both 1874 and 1974. It could be argued that the film is, in fact, a satire of the racism it seems to wallow in. In Blazing Saddles, the people who use the word can be grouped into three categories: (1) Black people referring to themselves, with pride; (2) The caucasian bad guys, who all face their comeuppance by the end of the movie; and (3) White people who learn the error of their prejudicial ways by the end of the movie. Do those categories earn the movie a pass? I honestly don't know. Along with the other problems, as funny as this movie still is in many places, it am vaguely uncomfortable watching it now.

Animal House has a different issue, although there are a couple of scenes with some uncomfortable racial overtones. The problem with this movie is its attitude towards woman. They are often objectified, and used in derogatory ways to propel a joke forward. Briefly, Animal House describes the antics of Delta House, a fraternity of 'heroic' slobs and outcasts who raise their collective middle finger at the strict social mores of the early 1960s.

Early on, the women of a nearby sorority are exploited in a voyeuristically rendered joke that informs the audience that John Belushi's character is capable of a powerful erection. While using a ladder to reach the second floor so as to spy on the women while they are undressing and getting ready for bed, said erection causes the ladder (and Belushi) to push away from the house and crash to the ground below. We're supposed to think they deserve to be spied on because they belong to the snobby sorority, even though any woman should be able to assume that they have privacy at such a moment.

In another scene, a teenaged girl passes out, just as she and one of the boys are about to begin a heavy duty make out session. He looks down upon her, naked and vulnerable, and begins considering his options as a devil and angel character magically appear, arguing the pros and cons of raping the unconscious and underage girl - she's only thirteen. At one point the 'devil' character encourages him to "fuck her brains out." That he decides not to in the end is irrelevant to the fact that this young woman, a child really, was objectified in such a reprehensible way in order to get the gag across.

Then there's the young boy reading Dad's Playboy magazine who thanks God when a scantily clad woman flies in through his bedroom window during the chaos of a sabotaged homecoming parade. Or that the Belushi character kidnaps another woman at the end. Or that a male professor sleeps with one of his female students.

The problems with Animal House, as compared to Blazing Saddles, are specific scenes as opposed to a generalized racist feeling, but the are just as upsetting. Part of the challenge in combatting violence against women is the ugly notion that it's okay to objectify women if there's a good punchline, primarily written by and for young men, at the end. These women are not treated as people - they're treated as a means to an end, and that's really yucky.

So are these movie's still funny? Were they ever? Did we think they were so funny back then because we didn't know any better? Are we troubled now because our sensibilities have changed? Or maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill? Are we sometimes too earnest for our own good? Do we need to lighten up? Is it okay to appreciate both of these movies as products of their time? Maybe it's some combination of all these questions. I don't pretend to know the answer, but humor is important to me - which is why I took the time to write about it.

Wednesday, September 2, 2020

Number 117

An Overdue Apology

Dear Rebecca,

I've told the story many times, but always from my perspective. I've probably gotten really good at making myself seem sympathetic, too. How I struggled for years with shame and guilt associated with undiagnosed gender dysphoria. How the sunlight shown through the clouds when the therapist responded to my 'deep, dark confession' with a nonchalant "So?" How after wandering in a wilderness of my own construction for 40 years, I finally realized I was a trans woman. Poor me.

But I've never told the story from your point of view. How so many of our relationship's inevitable bumps and bruises can be traced back to me ignoring a problem I didn't have the guts to face. How my fears impacted your life and left you wishing for things to be different. How I failed to live up to the vows I promised you on the day we married.

I love you forever. I wish I could have done it better while you were here. I'm sorry.

love,

your spousal unit