Why I Stepped Away From SCPride or Hiding in My Cave
About two years ago, in an effort to give back to the queer community that had adopted me so readily into its ranks, I joined the board for South Central [Minnesota] Pride. The other members of the group welcomed me aboard and made me feel apart of the group, and soon I was helping out when and where I could. In everything that follows, I want to be perfectly clear that the uncomfortable feelings I write about are not directed at any of the other wonderful people on this board. They are merely the 'collateral damage' in my need to protect my mental health.
__________________________________________
In February of this year, I happened to be visiting Austin, Texas when the governor declared that treating gender dysphoric children in a trans affirmative manner was akin to child abuse. Further, any healthcare workers in the state found "guilty" of this 'egregious' (sarcasm font), crime would be prosecuted. That evening, as we drove by the governor's mansion, I gave him my opinion with the middle fingers of both hands. (That he made this proclamation the same day a report dropped that was harshly critical of the way he and his administration had handled the state's response to a catastrophic ice storm the previous winter was 'merely a coincidence.') Unfortunately Texas was not alone. The need of religiously conservative politicians all over the country to try and prove that they knew more than healthcare establishment in general, and individual parents/care takers specifically, led to all sorts of malignant, and misdirected legislation over the past year. If that weren't bad enough, a small, but vocal minority from the left had begun to push to have the "T" removed from the LGBTQIA+ movement. (Think JK Rowling and her ilk.) Suddenly being a trans person was thought to be immoral, illogical, and even illegal by large swaths of the public. Sure there were still a great many allies out there doing their best to push back against this tsunami of hate; but even a little bit of vitriol can make even the most hearty of souls start to feel scared and lonely.
Annnnnnnnd, since I don't always have the most hearty of souls, I began to feel as if the entire world was against us - even the people who had had our back in the past. More to the point, I began to feel as if the entire world was against me. Interestingly, mixed in with my feelings of fear and loneliness was a healthy dose of anger. I was genuinely pissed off at the world based upon my perception of how my trans siblings and I were being treated.
So, between anger, fear, frustration, anxiety, and depression, I made the decision that putting myself out in the world in any kind of public way as a trans person was both unwise and unhealthy. I am not one of those fierce advocates who is able to take the ignorant slings and arrows thrown their way, chew them up, and spit them back at the haters with both authority and righteous truth (Glory, Hallelujah!)
___________________________________________
I wish it weren't so, but the safest place for me is inside my cave of solitude. I hope that someone remembers to come for me when the news gets better.
