Number 27

Betrayed: The Death of a Church

Before Rebecca's memorial service back on March, a sincere person said the following to me: "It will be so good to have all of your family together and be wrapped up in the loving arms of God".  This well-intentioned person had no way of knowing how much I hated that comment.  At that point the only thing I wanted from God was my wife back, and if God wasn't willing to do that, then I didn't have much interest in God's "loving arms".

In fact, after the memorial service, I found it more and more difficult to attend Sunday morning services - a fairly well ingrained habit my entire life.  There were easily identifiable reasons for this, however. It wasn't just a vague notion that kept me away. Our former pastor had recently resigned for many negative reasons, some of which directly impacted both my family and me. Those wounds were still raw. Also being at church was a 'thin place' - a place where it was easy to imagine that Rebecca was just in the next room. I don't like the 'thin' places. Lastly, I was really angry at God. This anger was certainly irrational - a fact I was well aware of at the time - but so what? I think I had the right to be a little bit irrationally pissed off at the Cosmos.

In any event, I disappeared off the church's radar. It didn't occur to me for many months, but it finally dawned on me that only one person from the church reached out to me to see how I was doing. Isn't it a little sad that a very active family suffers a significant loss, after which the surviving members seem to drop off the face of the earth, and only one person reaches out to check? (Interestingly, I met the interim pastor four months ago. I told her I'd like to come in and speak with her. She indicated that she had a busy week ahead, but that she would get back in touch a week to 10 days later. I'm still waiting).

But that's not why I'm writing. You see, the church did something much worse.

During the time of desolation, a direct result of the former pastor's stunning incompetence, one fragile flower was blooming at the church. Some of the youth, along with the assistance of a few adult volunteers, revived the youth group. The teens were showing up, were doing a lot of neat activities, as well as fundraising and preparing for a mission trip (that occurred this last summer).  My daughter, Grace, was one of these teens, and she greatly enjoyed being part of this group.

But for some reason, the powers that be in the church had a problem with... I frankly don't know.  All I know is that they ended up taking thoroughly draconian, unGodly actions which led to the destruction of the youth group. Seriously - membership dropped from 15 to 3 members overnight. Grace was among those that left (with my support). It's mind boggling that a church that is leaking members like a sieve, would be more interested in bureaucratic formalities than in nurturing a highly functioning, spiritually based youth group.

I was incredibly saddened that people I love and respect acted in such a cruel and petty manner. I couldn't help but hope that maybe, just maybe, a healing could still take place. Alas, I was mistaken. When I commented on a FB request for youth volunteers that perhaps some of the church leaders, whose actions had led to this situation, should be willing to help out, the church door got slammed in my face.

A (former) friend responded thusly ... "grow-up and shut-up!"