Number 33

Raise Your Glass

On Friday my name change was approved by the court. More significantly, after a few dicey moments, .the judge also approved the order that will allow me to change the gender marker on all my official documents from male to female. I am beyond excited to embrace life's new adventures as a woman named Nora.

But before I forge ahead, I need to stop and look back at the rich and full life that brought me to this moment. I need to honor my life as Hugh.

If I hadn't been Hugh, I wouldn't have a picture of my brother and I in matching plaid pants. There is no way we'll ever be able to explain 70's fashions to the anthropologists of the future.

If I hadn't been Hugh, I would never have gotten stitches on my penis. Seriously. After my bath one night, I was doing a Superman flying through the air imitation. Run, jump, and soar through the air, landing on the bed at the end. That night, friction was a cruel mistress. I ended up with five stitches across the base of said penis. Apparently, the doctors and nurses at the ER thought it was really cute.

If I hadn't been Hugh, I would have never been able to write my name in the snow.

If I hadn't been Hugh, Jack, Mark, Kevin, and Charlie would never have been my best friends growing up.

If I hadn't been Hugh, I wouldn't have had to take piano lessons. No, wait, I would have been stuck taking them either way.

If I hadn't been Hugh, I wouldn't have lived on the men's floor of Dascomb Hall my first year at Oberlin. It is impossible to calculate how less rich my life would have been had I never met those wonderful people. These friendships remain the most important ones in my life.

If I hadn't been Hugh, I wouldn't have had relationships with Julie and Carrie. Through them I learned the incredible euphoria of a soul connection with another person. I also learned how to manage and live through the incredible pain when those connections end.

If I hadn't been Hugh, I wouldn't have been Bart's younger brother. Sure he'd have been my brother either way, but it wouldn't have been the same. Maybe I wouldn't have been beaten up so much, and there would probably have been a little less mental torture, but no one else had my back as many times or as completely as he has all my life. I hope he knows that Nora needs him just as much.

If I hadn't been Hugh, I wouldn't have been singing bass in the church choir the night Rebecca showed up for the first time. I wouldn't have fallen in love so completely that it hurts. I wouldn't have found my life time partner.

If I hadn't been Hugh, there would be no Emma or Grace. Quite simply, I cannot imagine life without them.

If I hadn't been Hugh, I wouldn't have discovered the resiliency of the human heart. Cindy enabled me to discover that I could fall completely in love a second time.

To paraphrase what Clarence the angel says to George Bailey near the end of "It's a Wonderful Life", "You see, Hugh, you really did have a wonderful life". Indeed.