Number 199

 Love Wins, Always

As I look back upon my daughter's wedding, the thing that astounds me the most is how happy I was. On the surface, I understand that that sounds ridiculous. "Of course you were happy at your daughter's wedding, nitwit, what else would you be?" But let's face it, sometimes weddings can be tear-fueled, anger pageants full of recriminations, jealous rages, and fingernail shredding anxiety. This wedding wasn't one of those train wrecks - in fact it was beautiful - but that still doesn't quite explain what I'm trying to convey. Let me try this another way. I am a solitary introvert, very used to living with depression and anxiety. I'm not exactly a pessimist, but I do kinda live with a nervous expectation that something bad is just around the corner. And, as I've explained previously, I expected Rebecca's absence to lend a wistful quality to the whole affair. So when it was all over, and I looked back, I was astounded to realize that I gone through the whole affair in a sort of extroverted, joyful haze. Ya dig?

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Maybe it was the wine. You see, for the rehearsal dinner, Emma and Henry planned a five course meal and wine pairing. This happened on Thursday night - two days before the actual wedding. A group of thirty entered the room relative strangers and left as best friends for life. As for myself, I can't remember the last time I had five drinks in one evening (three or four, for that matter!), but I enjoyed everyone of them. I had met Henry's parents on one previous occasion, but this opportunity gave Cindy and me a much better chance to get to know them. Seeing them together only made me more certain that my child was choosing a partner who would revere, respect, and love her. For a parent, there is no better feeling.

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Maybe it was the coffee shop. Across the street from the hotel was Fuel, one of a chain of local coffee/sandwich shops specific to Worcester, MA. The food, drink and atmosphere were all wonderful. Anytime I walked in, I would see someone I knew (and probably hadn't seen in a long, long time). By the time I stood up to leave after eating/gabbing with one group of folks, a new group would be walking in. As parent-of-the-bride, it would be rude for me to just leave, so I'd get another beverage and sit down with the new group.

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Maybe it was Google maps. Seriously, we didn't get lost once.

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Maybe it was the pastor. Emma initially had asked a minister here in Mankato with whom she has a close relationship to be the officiant. Unfortunately this person had to back out (early on in the planning - not at the last minute). Emma still wanted a pastor with whom she had some sort of connection, but she was on the east coast, and she didn't know where to turn. I thought of Mary. She had long ago been my pastor, and, in fact, had married Rebecca and me. I put Emma and Henry in touch with her and she readily agreed. When I arrived at the rehearsal and saw Mary, more than 15 years had passed since we had last seen each other - in fact, I had been a whole different person! After a fierce hug, we began chatting as if no time had passed at all. Not only that, and although she is now retired, she has lost none of her 'preacher chops.' I always joke with people that one of the reasons for my successful relationship with Rebecca was because Mary had "done a really good job marrying us." I hope Emma and Henry were listening, because she still knows how to bring it.

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Maybe it was the venue. The Harding-Allen estate in Barre, MA. It was fantastically picturesque and incredibly romantic, too. Seriously, look it over ( https://www.hardingallenestate.com/ ). It also helped that the weather was entirely cooperative. Early fall temperatures - never too hot or cold, and only a few spots of rain. Henry's first look at Emma took place out on the front lawn prior to the ceremony on Saturday afternoon. All of her attendants, as well as Henry's mom, Cindy, and me were watching out of the second story windows. She (objectively) looked stunning. I don't know which attendant said it, but after he turned around she blurted out: "He'd better be crying!" Indeed. Oh, and the sunset provided the perfect back drop for the actual ceremony.

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Maybe it was the love. I thought about Rebecca a great deal. No surprise, really, right? But strangely my thoughts weren't accompanied by my usual feelings of sadness at her absence. Instead there were feelings of joy and contentment. She was right there with me, celebrating that our daughter had found the one person to spend the rest of her life with. It's just so apparent that Emma and Henry are nuts about each other. It's also apparent that their relationship is healthy and strong. I couldn't be more pleased with my new son-in-law.