Number 40

Ben Shapiro, the TERFs, and Me

 Ben Shapiro is a conservative media provocateur. He's one of those people that loves baiting a person with a differing point of view to the point where the other person loses their cool. Then with a wink and a nudge, he's all like: "I thought we were having a reasonable debate, and here you go flying off the handle like that?" One of his favorite things to do is to bash transgendered folks. For example, if there is a MtF person around (male to female), he'll refer to this person using masculine pronouns, or their birth name. From my own personal experience, it hurts a great deal when I'm mis-gendered unintentionally, let alone on purpose. To make it worse, he always has a wry grin on his face while he does this - knowing the hurt he is causing another person, but not giving a shit. I suppose when the trans person has finally reached their breaking point, it allows him the talking point that all trans people are mentally unstable.

And that's his essential point. Gender dysphoria is not real, trans people are mentally ill, and no amount of gender confirmation procedures can change the fact that whatever sex you are at birth is the sex you will always be. Trans women are pretend women, and trans men are pretend men. Of course these opinions are not his alone - he just happens to be one of the most prominent conservative voices when it comes to hating on us transgender folks.

The frustrating thing in listening to him is this: It is obvious that Ben is a very intelligent person. (Although it's equally obvious that he is very proud of his keen intellect - he's got a smirk on his face that, I have to admit, I would love to smack off). He's an attorney by trade, and he's learned how to craft a coherent argument. And though I obviously disagree with him, he's well-spoken and is able to present his case persuasively (when he's not too busy baiting and harassing other people).

On the other side of the political spectrum are the TERFs (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists). Some of these women consider the term a slur while others maintain that it is a badge of honor. I am choosing to use the term in this post for clarity's sake because, even though I know not whether it is an insult or an honorific, it does concisely describe these women. It is beyond the scope of my modest talents to fully explain their position, so I encourage anyone who is interested to do their own research. Though they are only a tiny subset of the feminist movement, they are vocal and active. Essentially they do not accept that trans women are not 'real' women. Additionally, they believe that trans women are an enemy of their feminist goals. I can speak only for myself, of course, but I don't feel like the enemy. I openly acknowledge that I need and want the help of women everywhere to educate me as I continue down the transition highway. It would be arrogant and presumptive for me to make any other assumption as I grow into my new reality.

Now again, the frustrating thing about them is the fact that they are intelligent people, too. Everything I noted about Ben Shapiro's intellect, can be said about them. It's just that they're as liberal as he is conservative. But politics makes strange bed fellows, and these two groups often work together against transgender people. Both groups have a problem with me, for some reason. Though I feel that their opinions are hopelessly misguided and hateful, I wish neither group any harm. My only desire is to be accepted by people, without being perceived as a threat or a basket case. I don't understand why my own truth, and the truths of all the other transgender people, scare them so much. I don't understand why people can choose to purposely throw up road blocks in front of other people just trying live their best lives.

It has often been said that there is a difference between intelligence and wisdom. As I have aged, I have certainly come to believe this. There are certain 'wisdoms' that can only be learned by living your life (as opposed to, say, having a law degree). This is why parents of grown children chuckle inwardly when they listen to parents-to-be confidently describe how they plan on raising their children. Another type of wisdom is understanding that "winning an argument" is often not the most important thing there is. Sometimes compromise is much more valuable. There is also wisdom in discovering the power of empathy. Or discovering the common humanity which links us all. Or the wisdom that comes from a joyful heart when you work to make the lives of other people just a little bit better.

You see, Ben and the TERFs are pretty smart. In all likelihood they are smarter than me. But I do wonder how wise they are.