Number 135

 It's Okay, Have a Laugh or I Intentionally Dead-Name Myself or A Love Letter to My Ousley Family

Just like Uncle Albert in Mary Poppins, I love to laugh. It's a good thing too, because there's a lot about life that deserves to be laughed at. To my mind, some of the most charmless people in the world are those that take themselves way too seriously. One of the things that is universally human is our ability to be or do the most ridiculous things. Occasionally on purpose, sometimes by accident. Sometimes no one else notices, and you feel like you've dodged a bullet. Sometimes only the family pet sees (and they're good at keeping secrets). Other times there's an audience and all you can do is shrug your shoulders and laugh. Heck, there are times when it feels good to laugh at yourself.

That said, it's important to remember that humor should never come from a place of cruelty. For example, I absolutely hate videos when people wipe out on their skateboards or bikes, or otherwise lose a battle with gravity. The video always cuts away before you get to see the painful result of such accidents. Attempts at humor based upon bullying suck. So too, are jokes aimed at people who are in a subordinate position to the alleged comedian. Sarcastic humor sometimes works, but can just as easily come across as mean-spirited. Much like a delicious high calorie dessert, it should be used sparingly. I used to think that I'd developed the skill to tease others in a gentle, non-hostile manner; but I misfired enough times to learn two things. (1) How to apologize; and (2) Not to tease others in a gentle, non-hostile manner.

In any event this happened the other day on a Christmas family Zoom call. To get the full effect of the story, you need to know my dead-name. For those of you unfamiliar with that term, it is straight out of the glossary you would encounter in a Transgender Identity 101 class. It is simply the former name of any trans or non-binary person prior to their coming out. As a general rule, you want to be very careful not to use it, as it is quite hurtful to many folks. In my case, it's not hurtful, but I do avoid it as much as possible. It's just not who I am anymore. Having said all that, my old name was Hugh.

Back to the family Zoom call. One of my nephews was sharing his pet - a monitor lizard, I believe. Other family members were asking questions, because curiosity is an Ousley family trait. Someone asked about the color of the lizard, and my nephew responded by saying, "actually he changes hues frequently..." I immediately thought to myself, "Whataya know, I'm a changing hue (Hugh), too." I almost said it out loud to the group. I thought it was kinda funny. But then I realized, as far as jokes go, it might not land real well, simply because many of my family members might not know how to react at me making a joke at my own expense like that. For the record my family has been nothing but loving and supportive of me as I've journeyed through Gender Identity Land. They just didn't know that it's okay to laugh along with me.

So consider this permission. If you are a friend, a family member, or just a supportive ally please feel free to joke away. Some of this stuff is pretty funny.