Number 84

Blessings  or: Rats! I'm Not 6'2"!  I Mean, I'm Not 6'2"? Hurray!

1. My transition has alienated me from exactly zero people. All of my friends and family have embraced and encouraged me as Nora. Their universal love and acceptance is a blessing.

2. Many trans folks do not health insurance, or their coverage will not cover the costs of various gender confirmation procedures. One of my initial fears when Rebecca passed, was that the girls and I would no longer have health insurance. Rebecca, bless her ever loving heart, had us enrolled in a plan that allowed us uninterrupted and continuous coverage. This plan also covers my confirmation procedures. Having health insurance is a blessing.

3. Speaking of health care coverage, I am being cared for by many knowledgable and concerned souls. Their treatment of me leaves me feeling secure. Being cared for by competent and caring medical professionals is a blessing.

4. My father was six foot, two inches tall. My older brother is six foot, two inches tall. So when I topped out at five foot, nine and 15/16 inches, I felt dissed by the genetic cosmos. In retrospect, as a trans woman, being five foot, nine and 15/16 inches is a blessing.

5. Do you know that many transgender folks get rejected by their families and are forced to leave home and live on the streets? Very often these same people have no money and have to turn to prostitution or dealing drugs to survive. Needless to say this is both an unsafe and harrowing way to live. Having both a warm home and financial resources is a blessing.

6. I have a full head of curly hair. Being a 54 year-old trans woman who doesn't have male pattern baldness is a blessing.

7. I love to sing and have been in a variety of choirs most of my adult life. With my decision to transition, I thought I'd never be able to sing in a choral group again. But then I met the fabulous folks in the Calliope Women's Chorus. These women gave me back my voice, but more importantly, they accepted me as one of their own. Having Calliope in my life is a blessing.

8. Many relationships where one of the people comes out as trans do not survive. Mine did because of the extraordinarily fabulous person with whom I get to spend my life with. Having an understanding and sympathetic partner is a huge blessing.

9. In women's shoes, I wear size twelve (12). Almost every single shoe store in existence only carries women's shoes up to size eleven (11). Most of you are probably confused. Doesn't that make it hard to buy shoes? Well... yes, and no. It is a pain when you can't get shoes in a store. However, I can find many fashionable, size 12 styles on line. My mother always loved shopping for shoes, and I'm afraid the apple didn't fall to far from the tree. If I could buy shoes in the store, I'm afraid of what my credit card bill would look like. The other fact is, again, compared to other trans women who need to search for women's shoes in size 14... 15... or beyond, size 12 is down right petite! Wearing size 12 women's shoes, that I can only find on line, is a blessing.

10. Having a full beard as a trans woman is incredibly dysphoric. Laser hair removal and/or electrolysis are the only permanent ways to git rid of facial hair. The problem is they both hurt like a motherf*cker. My brother is one of those men who could grow a beard in a day. On the other hand, I never had a huge amount of facial hair. Having a minimal amount of facial hair is a blessing.

11. Hearing other people refer to you by using your new name and pronouns is tremendously affirming. It is a blessing to be surrounded by people and friends who do this as a matter of course.

12. Having a community of people where you can feel comfortable being yourself is something that is good for everyone. Until very recently in human history, most trans people felt like they were the only person who had feelings of gender dysphoria. What an extraordinarily lonely feeling that must have been. Living at a time where finding people who understand your struggles, or have gone through the same themselves, are only a few mouse clicks away is a blessing.

Finally, lucky 13. This entire entry reflects a conscious effort on my part to reject negativity and embrace a more positive outlook on life. It wasn't easy, and it's taken awhile, but I think Eric Idle was on to something when he told us to "Always Look On the Bright Side of Life." Acknowledging my true self helped an awful lot, too. For whatever reason, my old self tended to have a much bleaker outlook than I do now. Living a live full of blessings is, in itself, a blessing.