Number 157

 Here's to New Beginnings

Here we are. If you've been following along for awhile, you're well aware of my journey through the gender confirmation process. It has been a bit of a challenging journey, hasn't it? I'm currently in a hotel room one block away from the University of Minnesota Hospital, Eastbank, choking down Mirilax laced Gatorade in an attempt to clear out my bowels. In less than 12 hours I will be a patient there, where a group of people that I've mostly never met will perform a surgical procedure to help me realize a wish I first dreamed about forty-five years ago: "Please, God, when I wake up - let me be a girl."

I understand now that I already was a girl. What God needed was a little more specificity. I wonder what would have happened had I wished to God to "make my outsides match my insides?" Alas, it's too late to know for sure.

I am doing my best to show the world how calm, cool, and collected I am, but fuck it! Here's the truth, I am giddy with anticipation! If I could turn cartwheels, I would. But then again, considering all this spiked Gatorade I've been drinking, physical exertion could be a big mistake. Sure, it's a serious surgical procedures, and there could certainly be unforeseen complications. From everything I've heard, I'll be in pain for a bit of time; and there's not a trans woman alive who gets excited about the post surgical dilation that needs to occur multiple times a day for, well, most of the rest of my life. There are consequences to this surgery that need to be considered and dealt with.

But I say "Bring 'em on!" Three years ago, I told my therapist I was "ready to jump up on the table," whenever they could schedule it. I was sure then, and my resolve/desire has only grown stronger since. So, finally, the time is at hand. My vagina and I will see you on the other side.