Number 177

 The Life You Choose (part I)

“Energy is the currency of the universe. When you ‘pay’ attention to 

something, you buy that experience. So when you allow your consciousness 

to focus on someone or something that annoys you, you feed it your energy, 

and it reciprocates the experience of being annoyed. Be selective in your 

focus because your attention feeds the energy of it and keeps it alive. Not 

just within you, but in the collective consciousness as well.”

- Emily Marchitan

Do you remember the recession of 2008? That’s when I learned that I also had a generalized anxiety disorder along with my previously diagnosed moderate depressive disorder. My doctors and I were able to figure this out because I have historically been a bit of  a news junkie. During this period of time I became fixated on listening to details of the worsening financial crisis that was engulfing us at the time. From a personal standpoint, it meant that my retirement accounts were losing value by the day, the hour, the minute. It’s incredibly disconcerting to watch this happen in real time, especially when you’ve been working hard to set funds aside for your future. Perhaps you’ve heard the expression: “As nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.” That was me during this time. It got to the point that it was effecting my daily quality of life. Something had to be done.

A trip to my doctor elicited two suggestions. Switch to a medication that was more effective in treating anxiety and stop watching the news. Positive results were achieved by following through on both things. It’s a good thing, too, because the next time I inadvertently saw what was happening on Wall Street, the blood-letting had actually gotten even worse. “Well, shit,” I thought, “I guess it was a good thing I stopped paying attention to it.” This was my first big lesson in being careful about what I focused my attention upon. Since then, I’ve kept abreast of current events much like the person who walks along the shore allowing the wave of water to briefly touch their toes before receding back to the ocean. In other words, I’m a headline reader.

(As an aside, it’s important to note that ALL news services - from the craven conservative bullshit of OAN to the socialist leanings of Mother Jones - hype the news. User beware.)

That was roughly 15 years ago. Generally, I’ve done a good job of avoiding obsessively watching the news. Given my slightly to the left (ahem), political leanings, it has been much easier for me to avoid the news during Democratic presidencies than Republican ones. (Of course the only Republican administration during this time was a doozy.) However, there have been many short term failures over the years. My latest bender occurred last November after Joe Biden won the election. Schadenfreude is a German word that means taking delight in other peoples’ misery. I started obsessively looking for new stories about how the MAGA crowd was taking their leader’s defeat and eventual concession. (Unfortunately we’re all still waiting for this.) I soon realized the telltale depressive effects on my overall mood from my fixation and stopped. Since then, I’ve been on the wagon and only occasionally checking the news.

But I’m not here to write about the news.

(end, part I)