Number 71

On Debts That Can't Be Repaid

Debt #1 Late in the evening of February 13, 2016, I received a call from a surgeon who informed me that my wife was headed to the operating room for emergency surgery and her survival was at stake. She had been unwell all day; but when I had left her at the hospital a few hours earlier to be home with our daughter, the nurses and doctors seemed confident that they knew how to treat her. To say I was surprised is putting it mildly. In any event, I felt a need to get to the hospital ASAP. I called Paul, my brother-in-law in Northfield to come stay at the house with Grace, but he would not be arrive for another hour or so. What to do in the meantime?

I called my friend Patrick. He was a neighbor and good friend who I thought might be able to come over right away, so I could be on my way. He's also a pastor (not ours, though), and because I was putting out vibes of extreme anxiety, he took a moment to listen to me. He then said that he and his wife, Mary Beth, were visiting with family in St. Paul and, unfortunately he was not available. We hung up.

With nothing else to do, I sat with Grace until Paul arrived, and I scooted over to the hospital where Rebecca was still in surgery. (A brief aside: one person I didn't call with my wife's life in the balance, was our own pastor, because, well, he was a turd.) While I was pacing around waiting for news, who should walk in but Patrick. To be honest, I don't remember much of our conversation, but here's the gist. As soon as he hung up with me, Mary Beth handed him his coat and they left their party. She was experienced enough as a pastor's spouse that she knew when Patrick was talking to someone in distress and he needed to be somewhere. He wasn't my pastor, but he sat and comforted me as we waited for news that didn't come until long after the next day had started.

Debt #2  The morning of February 14, 2016 was even worse. When Paul, Grace, and I arrived at the hospital, we were told that Rebecca would not live through the day. The rest of day were to be a vigil. Unfortunately, Emma wasn't with us. She was three hours away at Iowa State University. One of my dearest friends, Kimberly, called her husband, Dayle, and asked if he could drive down to Ames, and bring Emma home (you know, before her mother died). Without hesitation, he was up and on his way. Only, let's make things more interesting and toss in a snow storm. Seriously.

Emma made it.

Debt #3 Two other people who were present as the worst day of our lives unfolded were Steve and Margo. They had been our closest Mankato friends ever since our family's arrival in 2010. They were as devastated as any of us at Rebecca's passing, but they quickly took the girls and me under their wings and offered professional levels of TLC.

On Monday, Steve accompanied me to the mortuary to assist me in the legal disposition of Rebecca's body, as well as the initial planning of her memorial service. I think I thought I was "on top of things", but honestly, how could I have been? Every time I needed to make a decision, or sign something, I would turn to Steve, and he would silently nod his head. I then knew it was safe for me to proceed. Without Steve, I could probably show you the deed I signed that day that tells you I own the Brooklyn Bridge.

Debt #4 My older brother, Bart, lives in Ohio. He's always been there for me. When I talked with him on Sunday evening, he asked if he should come to Mankato. I desperately wanted to shout, "YES!", but instead said, "No, we got things under control." He showed up Monday evening. Once again, he was there just when I needed him most.